Mikuru Asahina from The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya (Orchid Seed Gothic Punk Version)


Orchid Seed Mikuru Asahina from the Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya Review

HARUHI: Alright, since our last movie was so great, our next movie has to be even better! And we need to make sure that it appeals to the Americans.
KYON: Why America?
HARUHI: Because all the best movies are big in America! If we can make a movie that hits it big over there, we can expand the SOS Brigade overseas. We’ll start the SOS Brigade North American Division! I’ll still be the leader, of course.
KYON: … I see. And just what sort of movie are you planning to make?
HARUHI (pacing in a circle): It has to be profound. It has to speak to the cultural sensibilities of Americans. It has to emphasize their rich history, their resiliency, their unshakeable passion for freedom and their love for life. And it has to have sex. And lots of violence. And sex. (looks up) I’ve got it!
KYON (thinking): Oh no.
HARUHI: The movie will be called … “Mikuru Asahina in Escape from Guantanamo Bay!”
MIKURU: No!

Orchid Seed Mikuru Asahina from the Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya Review


KYON: Look … isn’t there already a movie in America with this name?
HARUHI: So what if there is? Our lawyers will take care of it.
KYON: What lawyers? When did you get lawyers?
HARUHI: What do you care? Just do the voiceover already!
KYON: Ugh …

Orchid Seed Mikuru Asahina from the Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya Review

KYON (narrating): In a world where confusion reigns supreme and terror lurks behind every corner lives Mikuru Asahina. She lives a carefree existence, enjoying each day and never wanting more. But one day … her life as she knew it … came to an end.

Orchid Seed Mikuru Asahina from the Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya Review

YUKI (monotone): There is no escape. Drop your weapons and surrender yourself.
MIKURU: I – I give up! Please don’t shoot me!
HARUHI: Yuki! Be more energetic! You need to sound like a crazy American!
YUKI (monotone): … This is the end for you. Surrender peacefully … you raggedy towelhead.
MIKURU: Towel … head?
KYON (thinking): This … this already makes no sense.
KYON (narrating): So without cause or reason the American government sends Mikuru Asahina to their top-secret prison. What terrors await her there? (looks up) Hey, this part of the script is blank.
HARUHI: I know. I didn’t write out this part. I want the acting to be completely natural here.
KYON (thinking): As if anybody could act naturally around you. Although by now, nothing that Haruhi does surprises me.

Orchid Seed Mikuru Asahina from the Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya Review

KYON: Agh!
MIKURU: Ahh! What … what is that?!
HARUHI: Isn’t he cute? I found him shuffling around behind the club building so I took him with me. (looks at Kyon) Kyon! You’re supposed to be narrating!
KYON (narrating, in a flat monotone): Behold the mighty Inju Ouji, the prince of tentacles. His half-pint stature belies his supersized lusts, and with his sinuous, slippery tentacles of seduction he slides himself effortlessly – (looks up, agitated) You’ve got to be kidding me! I’m not reading this!
HARUHI: Hmph, fine! No one wants to hear your voice, anyway. Alright, Mikuru, take off your clothes.
KYON: What?!
MIKURU: No!
HARUHI: Here, I’ll come help you.

(Mikuru cringes as Haruhi advances towards her. Kyon quickly interposes himself between them.)

KYON: Wait, look, you said you want this movie to be big in America, right?
HARUHI: That’s right! This scene will be legendary!
KYON: Not if nobody ever sees it! Americans are very squeamish about these sorts of things. If this film gets an R rating, nobody will watch it and you won’t be able to expand the SOS Brigade.
HARUHI: Hmm … I suppose that’s true. Very well then! We’ll move on to the next part … ah, I forgot the prop! Everyone, rehearse your lines while I go get it.

Orchid Seed Mikuru Asahina from the Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya Review

KYON: Asahina-san … I need to go get rid of this thing (points at the tentacle monster) If you start running now, right now, you can get very, very far away. Far away enough that Haruhi can’t do anything to you.
MIKURU: It’s okay … as long as I’m with you, I feel like I can endure anything.
KYON: Well, I need to go find some place to put this. Stay strong, Asahina-san. (picks up the Inju Ouji) Ugh, it’s sticky.

(Kyon leaves. Haruhi returns a few moments later.)

HARUHI (returning): I’m back! Are we ready? Where’d that idiot Kyon go? Oh well, who cares, we don’t need him for this next part anyway. Places, and … action!

Orchid Seed Mikuru Asahina from the Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya Review

MIKURU: Ah –

Orchid Seed Mikuru Asahina from the Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya Review

Orchid Seed Mikuru Asahina from the Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya Review

Orchid Seed Mikuru Asahina from the Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya Review

MIKURU: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
KYON (returning): I couldn’t find a good place to put that tentacle monster, so I just threw it in a dumpster. I hope he doesn’t crawl out and come across any girls going home – what … WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?!
HARUHI: It’s something I borrowed from the Robotics Club! They’ve been working on it all year. They call it the Odaiba Sentinel! Cool, huh?
MIKURU: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
KYON: Wow, it’s really cool, they – I mean, no! It’s not! Did you even ask their permission to take it?!
HARUHI: Why should I have? I’m sure they would’ve said yes. They’re not even using it right now. I’m sure they won’t mind.
MIKURU: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
KYON (thinking): I wonder if her lawyers can get us out of this too.
HARUHI: Kyon, you idiot, you’re supposed to do the sound effects!
KYON: Er, right.
(Kyon plays a file on the computer)

KABOOM! BLAMBLAMBLAMBLAM

Orchid Seed Mikuru Asahina from the Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya Review

MASTER CHIEF: Miss Asahina, are you alright?

Orchid Seed Mikuru Asahina from the Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya Review

MIKURU: Master Chief, you’ve saved me!
MASTER CHIEF: Don’t mention it. Let’s get you out of here.
MIKURU: Thank you, Chief!
OMINOUS VOICE: Did you really think you’d be able to free my detainees so easily?
MASTER CHIEF: … Who … was that?

Orchid Seed Mikuru Asahina from the Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya Review

BLAMBLAMBLAMBLAM

BARACK OBAMA: YIPPIE-KI-YAY, MOTHERFUCKER!
MASTER CHIEF: Argh!
MIKURU: Chief! No!
KYON (thinking): Crap, we’re definitely getting rated R now!

Orchid Seed Mikuru Asahina from the Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya Review

BARACK OBAMA: Hahaha, did you think you could escape so easily, little girl? Nobody takes my detainees from me!
MIKURU: No! Please let me go!
BARACK OBAMA: Let you go? You belong to me now! You’re mine forever! You’ll never return home!
HARUHI: Wasn’t it great of the American president to agree to appear in our movie?
KYON: Wait, is this in the script? I don’t see this in the script.
BARACK OBAMA: Let the bombs fly and let the historians count the bodies! That’s the way the United States of America rolls! Who the hell do you think I am?! AHAHAHAHAHAHA!
KYON: This isn’t in the script. I think he’s speaking on his own!
HARUHI: Who cares! That laugh was perfect, perfect!

Orchid Seed Mikuru Asahina from the Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya Review

KYON (narrating): So poor Mikuru was imprisoned, alone, unnoticed, and forgotten. When will she get out? What will she have to do to earn her freedom?
HARUHI: Outstanding! I’m sure we’ll get an Oscar for this! What should I wear to the awards ceremony? What should I do with my hair? Should I wear it up? Should I let it grow long? What should I say during my speech? I guess I don’t need to thank anybody because I did all the work!
ITSUKI: Suzumiya-san, can I take this armor off? It’s really heavy and warm inside.
HARUHI: Hmm … no, we might need to re-shoot some scenes.
ITSUKI: Can I take the helmet off at least? It’s getting hard to breathe in here.
HARUHI: Hrmm … no, I want you to keep wearing it.
ITSUKI: Ahh …
KYON (thinking): This is so stupid. Why can’t I escape from all of this? Am I in prison too?
HARUHI: Cut! And that’s a wrap! This is going to be incredible! Just wait and see!

Orchid Seed Mikuru Asahina from the Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya Review

Orchid Seed Mikuru Asahina from the Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya Review

Alright, a few quick words for the real review here. Mikuru is manufactured by Orchid Seed. She’s really, really small. 1/7 scale? Ha! She might be 1/8 scale if you’re being generous, 1/9 scale if you’re being realistic.

She comes with two heads rather than a detachable face. Her sad head doesn’t fit very well on my Mikuru figure; I’m not sure if this is a common problem or the result of something I did.

Overall, I wouldn’t say that this is a great figure. I’m not sure if I’d say it’s even a good figure, mainly due to her tiny size. On the other hand, I really like both her faces and I had a lot of fun shooting these pictures, and that counts for something, right?

Orchid Seed Mikuru Asahina from the Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya Review

Up to the tizzop

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16 Responses to Mikuru Asahina from The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya (Orchid Seed Gothic Punk Version)

  1. Leonia says:

    Sweet figure. I prefer pictures with flower background ^^

  2. LEon says:

    Is that Mcfarlane Sentinel I see? That’s pretty rare!

  3. Tier says:

    >> Leonia
    I should’ve taken more pictures with the flowers, just to give more of an idea of what the figure looks like. I was really tired by the time I finished taking the story pictures though.

    >> LEon
    It is! I bought it on a whim years ago, and then I put it away in my closet. When I was thinking up how I wanted to do this story, I remembered that I had the sentinel stashed away for all this time. Unfortunately I’ve misplaced some of its claws as well as the stand.

  4. Quazacolt says:

    totally love the “screenplay” for your mikuru 😛

    not to mention the additional “americans” joining in the play LOL!

  5. Tier says:

    Thanks! This was a lot of fun to write (and to set up, although admittedly, it took much, much longer than my normal photo shoots and needed some hasty on-the-spot improvisation).

  6. JefLebowski says:

    “Let the bombs fly and let the historians count the bodies! That’s the way the United States of America rolls! Who the hell do you think I am?! AHAHAHAHAHAHA!”
    OMG xD nice1

    but now to the important stuff…where did you get the Matrix one o0?

  7. Tier says:

    I got the Sentinel locally at a video game store; it’s from McFarlane Toys (www.spawn.com) and they often sell their stuff at Gamestop and comic book stores. Unfortunately it’s several years old and long sold-out, I think.

    However, Hot Toys is releasing a Sentinel toy later this year; it might be a little bit smaller than the McFarlane one but Hot Toys has a reputation for making high-quality products.

  8. Blowfish says:

    Once again Comedy Gold!
    Could you tell me where you got the Tentacle Monster from?Im searching for it for ages!
    I was already pestering Lightning Sabre for it and he couldnt help me either.I know that HLJ had it in stock once but its been long discontinued since then 🙁

  9. Tier says:

    Thanks! I got it from JList but I’m not sure that they have it in stock either. It’s called the Inju Ouji but I don’t know who manufactured it.

  10. RWB4 says:

    I don’t care what your politics are, that is some funny stuff! Love it.

  11. Tier says:

    Thanks XD The only political position that I will endorse here is that Haruhi would make a great president and Kyon would make a great chief of staff.

  12. Mmiayiuckoi says:

    Cute, but I love the standing Mikuru from Griffon Enterprises.

  13. Tier says:

    Yeah, I like that one too, I had thought about getting it back in the day but I never was able to free up enough money for it. It’s kinda funny how it’s a very well-regarded figure, but most recent Griffon figures are kinda blah. I wonder how they got that one so right but aren’t able to keep it up with their other stuff?

  14. mangopudding says:

    “And it has to have sex. And lots of violence. And sex. (looks up) I’ve got it!”
    …then I see the catchphrase on the movie poster.

    That really cracked me up lol

    Good job providing views of her from all angles via screenplay!

  15. Tier says:

    Thanks for the kind words! I ought to revisit this scenario sometime, or maybe write another figure review as a spinoff movie from this one.

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