Tentacle Armada

Having become intrigued by Keumaya’s figure lineup, I put in a bid for Violet on Yahoo! Japan Auctions only to lose out in the last hour. Undaunted, I run a search on eBay and Violet shows up the next day. After a very brief moment of hesitation, I punch in a bid value and put the mouse cursor over “Place Bid” and then …

COMMON SENSE: Hey man.
ME: Oh for the love of basketball, not you again. Don’t you got anything better to do?
CS: This is my job man, I’m here to stop you from doing stupid things. And I had this feeling that … wait, what’s that up on the monitor?
ME: This? This is Zanjibaru.
CS: No, not your porn game. Wait, that’s eBay! You’re buying another perverted girly figure again, aren’t you?!
ME: … Mebbe.
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Curiously, figure manufacturers don’t often look to fighting games. I’m not sure why; fighting games are rife with awesome and awesome-looking characters. Okay, Iroha briefly achieved it-girl status and Mai Shiranui, Cammy, and Mina Majikina get figures every now and then, but there’s nothing from Tekken, nothing from The Last Blade, nothing from Virtua Fighter. Even the Dead or Alive, Soul Calibur, and The King of Fighters series – which feature some of the most iconic fighters in video games – are barely represented in the figure hobby. There are no scale figures of Helena or Lisa, Sophitia or Seung Mina, Kula Diamond or Mars People.

Above all of those, I’ve wanted a figure of Dizzy. She’s my favorite character in all of fighting games, but apart from Max Factory-produced figures of a Shunya Yamashita-inspired I-No and the transvestite Bridget, there seemed to be no inclination on the part of figure manufacturers to look at Guilty Gear X. But fortune works in strange ways, and thanks to the popularity of the Queen’s Blade series, there is now a figure of Dizzy, the Guilty Gear X character who was adapted into a Queen’s Gate book, which is itself an adaptation of the Queen’s Blade series, which is itself an adaptation of Scottsdale, Arizona-based (of all places) Flying Buffalo’s Lost Worlds game books. Strange ways indeed.
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Cuteness isn’t something that I usually account for when I’m deciding which figures to buy. I much prefer sexy to cute, and many of the tropes associated with young, loli-type cuteness in anime – short stature, pigtails, an undeveloped rack – don’t really do much for me. Nonetheless, when MegaHouse announced that they were putting out a figure of Sora, I was captivated by the publicity shots, and I decided right away to put in a preorder.
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We are here today to take a look at a cultural icon, one of the most famous things in its field. Indeed, it is so ubiquitous that some might say that it is overused and overexposed. So without further ado, let’s go ahead and take a look at the Fender Jazz Bass.
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After playing through Sengoku Rance, I decided that I wanted more figures of characters from the game. I wound up getting Kenshin and Isoroku Yamamoto, and if Shikibu had a figure, I’d get that too. Sadly, she does not, and sadly, many other worthy characters from the game haven’t been so honored. Kotobukiya or Orchid Seed or someone should retool to make a figure of each female Sengoku Rance character; the world would be a better place for it.
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Back when I talked about Seena, I mentioned that the promo photos are sometimes misleading, that sometimes the actual figure looks better than what you expect.

The flip side of that, of course, is that sometimes the figure looks as bad as you expect. Or worse.
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My last figure review covered a figure that evoked mixed feelings, so I thought that for my next writeup, I’d look at a figure that everyone can agree is the very epitome of class, a figure that is, without a doubt, fun and appropriate for people of all ages.
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A couple of months ago, I was reading The Lord of the Rings, and one of the things that’s always struck me about J.R.R. Tolkien is how few books he ever had published. His bibliography basically comprises The Hobbit, The Lord of the Rings, The Silmarillion, and several short stories. His most famous work is barely over a thousand pages in aggregate, shorter than many single volumes of contemporary fantasy series, and he labored virtually his entire adult lifetime on The Silmarillion without completing it.

That’s not to say that he wasn’t an active writer, though. Tolkien wrote prodigiously; the thing is, he constantly trashed his stories and started anew, coming up with new ideas, defining and redefining characters. One of his most famous characters, Frodo Baggins, was originally Bingo Baggins, Bilbo Baggins’s son. The character is refined over decades through numerous iterations and revisions until he becomes the Frodo that everyone knows from the movies. Despite the paucity of Tolkien’s published work, it’s safe to say that his characters are some of the most beloved in all of fiction and have, thanks to the films and the books’ enduring appeal, become pop-culture icons.

There is, however, another way to develop characters and ensconce them in the hearts and minds of the masses, one that doesn’t require a lifetime of toil. Start with a female anime character with big eyes, give her some attributes that hit on a variety of fetishes held by anime fans, get an associated video or a song up on the web, and chuck some merchandise out into the market. Then, when the inevitable anime and manga and video game tie-ins come out, you’ll be able to move more merchandise and sit back and watch panting fans drop thousands of yen on your goods. Character background? Don’t need it. Personality? Make it up as you go. Just be sure that it falls within one of the common, proven-to-sell archetypes. If it does, you’re good.
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With snow armageddon spreading across the entire east coast, I had some time to shoot some photos, so here’s a look at a figure that was released a few weeks ago. Risty is one of the original Queen’s Blade characters and is thus one of the franchise’s more prominent representatives, but this version is a bit atypical compared to its counterparts.
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Think of all the weird things that one instantly associates with Japanese culture. Wacky television game shows. Green tea-flavored Coke. Tentacle rape. What culture on this planet could spawn these things but the one that made eating raw fish not just mainstream but fashionable?

So when I saw this figure, it didn’t even faze me. If you’re at all familiar with Japanese pop culture, you take this sort of strangeness as a matter of course. Actually, the first thing I thought was that this figure looked really cute. Really shy. Like she’s hiding a secret. I guess that’s one way to put it.

Incidentally, if anybody reading this is looking for May Parker, this is not the Spider Girl that you’re looking for.
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